


we met in a nightmare (and kissed in a dream)

by soyybeanboy



Series: the essek saga [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional, First Dates, Kissing, M/M, Shadowgast, Study Date, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27420145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soyybeanboy/pseuds/soyybeanboy
Summary: Essek stood alone in his vast estate, poised before a floor-length mirror rimmed with black and gold. He was locked in a staring contest with himself, restless and conflicted as he contemplated one of the most terrifying challenges he’d ever have to face.What the hell does one wear on a date?After a lifetime of being expected to make appearances in front of a court of royalty, he’d though he would have been better prepared for something as comparatively simple as this. Of course, nothing could have truly prepared him for Caleb Widogast.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Essek Thelyss
Series: the essek saga [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999450
Comments: 10
Kudos: 125





	we met in a nightmare (and kissed in a dream)

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted some fluffy shadowgast today, so here you go!! Study dates with awkward wizards!
> 
> As always, feel free to point out any spelling or grammar mistakes! I edited this myself, so I doubt that it's perfect!
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Essek stood alone in his vast estate, poised before a floor-length mirror rimmed with black and gold. He was locked in a staring contest with himself, restless and conflicted as he contemplated one of the most terrifying challenges he’d ever have to face.

_What the hell does one wear on a date?_

He didn’t want to show up overdressed, but every attempt he made to circumvent that problem made him feel too casual. What did he even look good in? He’d always just worn whatever was practical. His clothes were nice, sure, but that was more for the purpose of professionalism than pride.

His fingers tapped anxiously at his side. After a lifetime of being expected to make appearances in front of a court of royalty, he’d though he would have been better prepared for something as comparatively simple as this. Of course, nothing could have truly prepared him for Caleb Widogast.

Caleb Widogast…Essek smiled softly at the thought of him, relaxing slightly as he remembered why he was doing all of this. A night in the library with the most oddly alluring person he’d ever met. Of course, they’d spent hours together studying before, but tonight was different. They were calling it a _date_. Essek wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, or what it would change, but he was looking forward to it nonetheless.

He glanced at the pile of clothes on his bed, wilting slightly as he realized how silly he was being. He wasn’t some starstruck teenager, he was an adult, damnit!

Now, if he could just start acting like one, that would be fantastic.

With a resigned sigh, he lifted his hand and began tracing the sigil for Sending into the air. As he thrust his hand through the wispy gray lines the hovered in the air before him, they burst outward in a series of sparks, and he felt the connection take hold.

“Hello, Jester,” He said, doing his best to swallow his pride. “I, uh…you’re rather fashion-forward, and I…well, if you would pay a visit, I could use your assistance.”

Never in another 120 years of life would Essek have thought he’d be messaging Jester for fashion advice, of all things, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Her reply came almost immediately.

“Oh my gosh, Essek, yes! I’ll be there in, like, five minutes! You’re going to look so good!”

Essek sat down on his bed with a sigh. At least he knew he’d look good tonight, even if he had no clue on how one actually acted during a date. Maybe Jester would have some insight on that as well, she seemed the romantic type.

Just as she’d promised, she was at the door in just a few minutes, knocking rapidly and calling out, “Essek! I’m here! Let me in!”

With as much composition as he could muster, he hurried down the stairs and opened the door with a wave of his hand.

“Jester, thank you so much for coming.” He said, smiling nervously. “I hope I didn’t pull you away from anything important.”

Her eyes narrowed mischievously as a wide grin spread across her face. “No, I was just doing the same thing for Caleb when you called. Everyone needs my advice, you know, because I’m very talented and everything.”

“It would seem.” Essek said. He gestured towards the stairs and Jester took off into the tower, already shifting through the clothes on Essek’s bed when he caught up to her.

“Wow, you own a lot of purple,” She muttered, holding up a simple sleeveless tunic to inspect it. Her gaze went back and forth between Essek and the shirt a few times. “I’ve, like, never seen your arms before. Are you really strong and stuff, or are you, like, squishy?”

Essek furrowed his eyebrows, regarding Jester with a careful look. “Ah…why does it matter?”

“I mean, it doesn’t, really, I was just wondering.” She said, tossing the shirt aside and picking up another one. “Buff and squishy are equally cute. And I’m both, so I’m, like, twice as cute.” Her eyes went wide suddenly, and she let out a loud gasp as she lunged for something at the bottom of the pile. “Oh my gosh, Essek, this is so cute!”

The shirt she held up was one that Essek wouldn’t have chosen on his own. It was another sleeveless number, with a high collar and silver clasps that held it closed down the front. Largely black, though it was accented at the collar and hem with the same bright, shiny silver as the clasps. He had no idea how long it had been in the back of his closet, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn it.

“Are you…sure?” He asked, taking the shirt from her. “It seems a bit ostentatious for a trip to the library.”

“It’s not just a trip to the library, Essek! It’s a date! With _Caleb!”_ Jester squealed. “He’s going to think you’re so pretty!”

“Hm…” To be fair, Essek wasn’t exactly in a place to turn down any advice. So, he nodded. “Alright. I’ll trust your judgement. What, uh…do you know what Caleb is wearing?”

Jester giggled, waggling her eyebrows suggestively as she said, “You’re just gonna have to wait and see!”

Essek rolled his eyes, but didn’t push the issue. After ushering Jester out of the room, he turned back to his mirror and shed his casual attire, slipping the black-and-silver shirt over his shoulders. It still fit him quite well, despite how long he’d neglected to wear it. The silver was a nice touch, he realized, bringing out the subtle highlights in his eyes and hair.

A wave of confidence washed over him, and he stood up a bit straighter, adjusting the collar. “Jester!” He called after a moment. “I believe I may have to begin asking you for advice more often!”

Jester came bounding back into the room in a whirlwind of blue, seizing Essek’s hands and swinging him around to face her. “You look so good!” She said, eyes bright and excited. “You’re going to have such a wonderful time! Tell me all about it the next time you come for dinner, okay?”

“Alright,” Essek said, glancing up at the clock. He would be late if he didn’t leave soon. “Well, this is it, I suppose. I’ll, uh…” He cracked a playful smile, “I’ll make sure to message you if it all goes horribly wrong.”

“It won’t! Now go!” Jester seized Essek’s hand and dragged him down the steps, giving him one last hug at the door. “It’s going to be wonderful, okay? Caleb really likes you.”

Essek nodded. “I hope so. Thank you, Jester.”

“No problem!” She said. “Now go woo your sexy wizard!” And with that, she shoved him out the door, skipping off back towards her home.

* * *

Essek lingered at the towering double doors of the library, his hand frozen on the knob. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous - he looked nice, Jester had made sure of that, and it was just Caleb. They’d studied together plenty of times before.

Maybe it was the possibility of something more than quiet, longing glances that had him so thrown. It was one thing to pine, it was another thing entirely to take action.

With a deep breath, Essek gathered his resolve and pushed open the door, stepping into the dimly lit interior. The walls were lined with tall, worn wooden shelves, ladders affixed with wheels to slide along the walls. A few patrons milled about, paying Essek no mind as he stood on his tiptoes, looking over the sea of desks for his companion for the night.

He wasn’t hard to spot, his bright red hair standing out like a sore thumb against the dark decor. Caleb was seated on one of the few overstuffed sofas that were pushed against the walls, foot tapping rapidly on the floor as he thumbed through a book.

Immediately, Essek was taken by how lovely he looked. He wore a jacket of the same purple as his normal one, but cut to hit just at his hips. His hair was loose, falling in waves to his shoulder with one side braided back. A few flowers were woven into the braid, occasionally dropping a delicate petal into Caleb’s lap. He looked positively ethereal.

“Caleb,” Essek said, stepping up to the couch. “Um…hello.”

Caleb looked up, his eyes widening as he looked Essek up and down. The drow coughed awkwardly and looked away as Caleb said, “Essek…you look…oh, my…”

“I-I’m sorry if I’m overdressed,” Was all Essek could think to say. “I asked Jester for advice, and you know how she can be.”

“No, not at all! I just…you look wonderful.”

Their eyes met, and they stared at each other in silence for a moment. Such a striking blue was a rare sight this far east, and Essek wouldn’t have minded losing himself in Caleb’s eyes forever.

“Uh…I’m sorry,” Caleb stammered, breaking eye contact and hastily sliding across the couch to make room for Essek. “Won’t you sit down? I was just, uh…working my way through this volume,” He gestured to the leather-bound tome in his hand, “It’s quite fascinating, but it is in Undercommon, and I’ve expended quite a bit of magic deciphering it already.”

“Of course!” Finally, something Essek knew he could do. “I’m happy to translate. Let me see?”

Essek’s heart nearly stopped as Caleb shuffled closer, their shoulders brushing together and Caleb spread the book out across his lap and tilted it towards Essek.

“It’s not my usual fare,” Caleb said, almost bashfully. “But I was curious.”

Glancing down at the book, Essek saw that it was a collection of Kryn folk tales. Certainly not what he would have expected, but…it was rather endearing. Warm, cozy nostalgia washed over Essek as he flipped through the pages, studying the carefully inked illustrations that were so familiar and so foreign at the same time.

“I haven’t read these since I was a child,” he breathed, the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips. “What drew you to pick this up? There are any number of more interesting books here.” He gestured at the towering shelves.

Caleb shrugged, sliding his finger between the pages and flipping to a wide, two-page illustration. “I suppose I wanted to understand your culture in a less superficial way. History books are of interest, of course, but…I believe that storybooks tell you things that no other written record could.” Turning back a few more pages, Caleb stopped at the beginning of a story titled ‘The Swamp Witch.’ “Would you read this one to me?”

“This one?” Essek asked, regarding Caleb with a curious look. “Are you sure? It’s a rather plain tale when compared to some of the others.”

Caleb chuckled, his laugh rich and low. Almost like a cat’s pur, Essek thought. “I gathered. It reminds me of a Zemnian tale, though, _‘die Waldhexe.’_ The Forest Witch.”

“Well,” Essek smiled, leaning the tiniest bit closer to Caleb. “You’ll have to read it to me sometime, then. An exchange of knowledge.”

“I would be happy to. Now,” Caleb slid the book into Essek’s hands, their fingers brushing together for an agonizingly brief moment. “Tell me the tale of _lil' niar c’nros.”_

Essek laughed Caleb’s choppy, off-kilter Undercommon. A lesson for another day, maybe. “Certainly, Caleb.” It took a bit of effort to translate as he read, but it wasn’t impossible. He fought off a deep blush as Caleb leaned close, eyes fixed on the scrolling text. With a deep breath, he began to read.

“Upon a pleasant, cloudless day, from an age long forgotten, a quiet city rested under the watchful gaze of the sun. Surrounded by treacherous swamps on all sides, the town was a safe haven for many, and the only civilization for miles around. The townsfolk, asleep in their beds, dreamed pleasant dreams of magic, miracles, and all manner of wonderful things, and they were happy. All, that is, except for one.”

Essek turned the page, revealing an image of a young drow gazing longingly out at the sky.

“Tolo lived alone on the outskirts of his town. With few talents to speak of, he spent a great many sleepless days wallowing in envy at his window, for in this small town, he seemed to be the only one without a companion. Every night, he wandered the streets, smiling his brightest smile and praying for a person who would not turn it away. ‘But you have no trade,’ the people would say. ‘You have no talent. You have no way to provide, and therefore are not suitable for me. Truthfully, you are not suitable for anyone.”

Again, Essek turned the page, sparing a fleeting glance at Caleb as he did so. The wizard seemed enraptured, his eyes fixed on the book as he waited for Essek to continue.

“As the years passed by, each one as lonely as the last, Tolo began to lose hope. In his town, he did not belong. Indeed, he had begun to believe that he didn’t belong anywhere.

One afternoon, when everyone else in the town was fast asleep, Tolo heard a knock at his door. At first, he was puzzled, for no one ever came to call. The knock came again, harder this time. Eventually, his curiosity getting the better of him, Tolo pushed open the door. On the step there was an old woman, draped in rags and smeared with mud. Her hair, dappled gray and white like ash, fell over her face in long, unkempt tangles. ‘Who are you?’ Asked Tolo, ‘And why have you come to my door?’

The woman looked up at Tolo with wide eyes, her voice hardly a whisper in the wind. ‘I’m afraid that I am lost,’ she said, ‘and no one else will help a beggar like me. Young man, I will forever be in your debt if you would help me find my way home.’

And Tolo, looking upon the woman’s haggard appearance, felt nothing but sympathy. For he, too, knew the pain of being overlooked. So, he said, ‘Of course I will help you,’ and offered the woman his hand.

She smiled, so soft and sweet, and took Tolo’s hand. ‘Thank you.’

In a flash of light, she was gone, and in her place was a beautiful young girl. Her hair, as brilliantly white as the full moon, danced gently around her head in an imperceptible wind. Her face was clean and her smile bright, and her hand was still laced with Tolo’s. He stared at her in awe, lost for words.

‘For the kindness you have offered me,’ she said, and her voice was as clear and as kind as birdsong. ‘I will grant you your heart’s most desperate desire.’”

Essek paused, realizing that he’d all but lost himself in the story. Looking up, everything was as he’d remembered, except…Caleb’s head was on his shoulder, soft locks of ginger hair ever so gently brushing his face. He looked surprised at the sudden silence, looking up at Essek with a small smile. “Go on,” he said. “I’m curious to hear the ending.”

Essek returned the smile, not even trying to control his heart rate as he turned back to the story.

“‘My most desperate wish?’ Tolo asked. ‘That is ever so gracious of you.’ He looked down at their intertwining hands. ‘Then…I wish for a companion. Someone to walk beside and revere for the rest of my life. Someone to dance through the night and fall asleep with at dawn. Could you grant me this wish?’

And at this, the woman looked confused. ‘A companion?’ she repeated. ‘Not money? Success? Talent? I can grant you all of these things. You could have anything in the world.’

Tolo sighed, gently pulling his hand away. ‘Yes, I suppose. But what are riches without someone to dote on? Talent without someone to teach? Success without someone to share it with? If you truly have the power to grant me any wish, then please, all I want is a friend.’

The woman stood for a moment, quiet and considering, before reaching out and taking both of Tolo’s hands in her own. ‘Young man, I understand your pain. I, too, have spent all my time in this world in solitude. I wander from town to town, always lost. I travel through the wastes, aimless and alone. I grant wishes to the worthy, and they say their thanks, and I am left alone again. If you truly wish for a friend…would you have me?’

And Tolo, smiling wider than he ever had before, said, ‘I would love nothing more.’”

Essek cut off suddenly, caught off guard by the lump is his throat. He pressed the pads of his fingers to his face, flushing furiously when he realized that he was _crying._

“Oh, by the light of the Luxon,” he mumbled to himself, scrubbing at his eyes. “I’m apologize, Caleb, this is ridiculous.”

Essek felt a warm hand wrap around his shoulder, gently turning him in Caleb’s direction. “It’s alright,” Caleb assured him. “It’s a touching story…one that hits a bit too close to home, perhaps?”

Caleb’s eyes were on him again, paralyzing in their radiance. They were so close, faces only inches apart. “I…” Essek whispered, watching a few delicate red flyaways flutter with his breath. “I wished to be Tolo, when I was young.” he admitted finally. “To find a friend in a swamp witch, since it seemed no one else would have me.”

Caleb nodded knowingly, his hand ever so lightly brushing against Essek’s cheek. It was almost hesitant, a silent question. In reply, Essek laid his own hand over Caleb’s, guiding it back to his face. Caleb’s hands were so warm, calloused and rough against Essek’s skin. He savored the feeling, drinking in every bit of Caleb’s warmth.

“I can imagine,” Caleb murmured. His freckles stood out against the bright blush on his cheeks. “I know the pain of being lonely quite well.”

A thought struck Essek, something almost fanciful. He gently traced Caleb’s bottom lip with his thumb, so close that he was whispering into Caleb’s lips as he spoke. “Caleb…I’ve long resigned myself to the fact that I’ll never befriend a swamp witch,” he said, eyes fluttering shut. “But truly, I’m more than glad to have met you.”

Essek laced his fingers with Caleb’s, the ghost of a long-forgotten wish sparking to life in his chest as the gap between them narrowed.

And eventually, after what could have been a moment or an entire lifetime, the gap closed.

Caleb’s lips were soft, gently drawing Essek into a world where no one else existed. An eternity stretched between them as they drifted through an endless expanse of silver strings, timelines and possibilities. Never had Essek been so content. If every choice he’d ever made had brought him here, to this moment, to this quiet, smoke-scented kiss…well, he’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

They only broke apart when they remembered to breathe, the air between them warmer than it had been mere moments before.

“You’re the answer to my wishes, Caleb Widogast,” Essek said, giddy laughter bubbling up out of his chest. “A real fairy tale.”

Caleb pressed a warm, lingering kiss to Essek’s forehead. “Let’s just…stay here.” He murmured. “Let this moment be our happy ending.”

Essek pulled Caleb into another kiss, feeling a hand thread through his carefully styled white curls. His hair would be a mess by the time they were done, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And for all the horrors of the world, for all their responsibilities and obligations, for all the weight the both of them carried, Essek couldn’t help but let it all melt away. For now, at the very least, he was happy to just be _here._

And for as long as it lasted, Essek savored every moment of that happily ever after.


End file.
